Break ups are hard. End of. No matter whether you have been in a long OR short term relationship, they are all just as hard. We let our guards down, allow ourselves to be vulnerable and show our true authentic selves to the other person. Obviously no one commits themselves to a relationship unless they really are serious about it in one way or another. Relationships are imperative for many different reasons such as increasing our emotional stability, learning how to be a good friend and having someone to count on and trust in.
There is no greater feeling in the world than the excitement you experience at the beginning of a relationship. Everything is new, fresh and exciting. But we don’t really prepare ourselves for when it ends…
Here are some ways you can heal yourself after a break up:
Take your time and let yourself be emotional
There is no such thing as ‘just get over it’, as much as we would all like it to exist, it doesn’t. You can’t just expect yourself to stop feeling something and your brain would be like ‘OK’. However, you can try but eventually your mind will feel so drained that you just shut down. Naturally we need to release our emotions, we are human after all!!! So don’t blame yourself for feeling sad, angry, hurt; whatever it is that you’re feeling. We all have different coping mechanisms so don’t think you’re a weak person just because you’re taking longer than what you think is the ideal time to get over something.
As hard as it might be, you need to accept that it’s over and there is no going back. The hardest part is when you start to feel lonely and all the intense emotions resurface, making you think about them and all the good times you shared. This is harder especially if you are the one who ended it as you are more likely to go back, since you probably could. You start to think of all the reasons you broke up seem insignificant. OR if you got dumped, don’t try resorting to manipulation, emotional blackmail, guilt tripping them or else you’ll lose your self-respect! Think of all the reasons you two didn’t work out – accept it and move forward.
Cut them out completely
Unfriend them, delete them; whatever it takes. This is one of the most difficult things to do for most people because even though there are things they probably hate about them, on some level they will still care for them. Even if you have decided to stay friends, don’t do it straight away! it will confuse you and you will lose clarity. If you are always still in contact, seeing each other or whatever it might be, you could potentially fall for them again. Only this time it would be even worse as you are both carrying baggage from the already failed relationship. That’s when you could really start to resent each other, and there would be no chance of staying friends.
Nothing can set you more emotionally and mentally free than forgiving. As important as it is to forgive that person, it is more important to forgive yourself. Remember, everything happens for a reason, and yes it is easier said than done but try to have faith that there will always be a silver lining. There is always a greater purpose, and it is all part of a journey.
Focus on yourself
There is nothing better than actually just getting to know yourself again. During a relationship we tend to over identify with our partner and we forget who we are, what we stand for or what we as individuals want in life. It’s always about pleasing the other person and following rules and sticking to boundaries. The fun in just being who you are can slowly disappear. Who knows you may actually find that the relationship you have with yourself was always the most significant one.
Written by Abbey Stirling