Let’s be real, the way sex is portrayed in porn isn’t the reality of what sex actually is. Most penises aren’t that big, men don’t have eternal erections, and most women don’t like doggy style that much.

During a recent TED Talk, Ran Gavrieli illustrates his view on why the porn industry is detrimental to our well being and demonstrates how our minds become warped when we allow porn to determine the nature of our own fantasies.

“After making a habit out of porn, it conquers your mind, it invades your brain. I lost my ability to imagine. I found myself trying to fantasize desperately about something human and not being able to, because my head was bombarded by all of those images of women being violated and subordinated.”-Ran Gravrieli

This man urges us to pay attention to the nutrition of our minds because he believes porn has an addictive and paralyzing effect on both men and women. He doesn’t simply see porn as a form of freedom of expression, he views it as an embodiment of sexual exploitation. Ran refers to porn as ‘filmed prostitution’ and says that prostitution is no child’s dream and that it is always a result of trouble and distress. Ran gradually became aware of this exploitation when he volunteered to help men and women in the prostitution industry.

During his TED talk, we are reminded that the porn industry has a multitude of categories to choose from, no matter how twisted they may be. You can find anything from ‘rape’ to ‘humiliation,’ from ‘abuse’ to ‘minors’. Where there is demand, there is supply, even if it means trafficking under-aged girls.

“Porn is not about erotica or healthy sexual communication. It is all about male domination of women and the subordinance of women.”-Ran Gavrieli

Ran does not believe that porn is how human beings authentically desire sex. He stopped watching porn for his own personal well being in order to engage in intimate communication in his private life, and to reclaim control and responsibility over his own mind. By doing so, he has stopped contributing to the gruesome sex industry.

“I stopped watching porn for two reasons: The first was that porn brought so much anger and violence into my private fantasies and the second was that I came to realize that by watching porn, I take part in creating a demand for filmed prostitution.”-Ran Gavrieli

It isn’t just the women that Ran is taking a stand for, he also talks about how porn creates insecurities for men. Men are valued by the size of their penis and long lasting erection, and young men often become imitators what they see.

Ran is all about sexual freedom and is not pleading for us all to become conservative prudes, he simply believes in promoting emotional safe sex. He says, he doesn’t care how long two people know each other for, but if they can’t have a laugh together, then what good can come?

“If two souls are alone in a room and they have not managed to have a laugh together, what good could possibly grow sexual or non sexual?”-Ran Gravrieli

Watching porn has become a societal norm and many view porn as a harmless and healthy way to engage in satisfying sexual desires. Working in the sex industry is a choice, but it’s important that we pay attention to where that decision stems from, as well as how porn effects our perception of healthy sex, for both the body and mind.

“Silence never does us any good, silence only perpetuates more silence. Talking brings more awareness and change.”-Ran Gavrieli 

The best fantasies live in our imaginations. 

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